A moment

There are some moments in my life when I can see very, very clearly the things that are real. I had a memorable moment like that the day I watched my friend Stephanie on Oprah. She was so brave and beautiful and I was amazed at how far she has come!! I was thinking about it all the rest of the day, and as I was laying in bed that night I was remembering something she said. Oprah asked her to tell about the revelation/dream she had while she was in a coma. Steph explained that she felt like she was presented with a choice, to stay on earth and have a hard life, or pass on into the next realm. Steph said she chose to stay, of course. Because of her family.

When I would think about Steph's accident, her scars, her overwhelming surgeries and challenges---I realized I wondered sometimes if it was the choice I would make!? She is in constant pain all day, easy tasks are a huge strain on her, she looks in the mirror and can't even recognize herself! I started to imagine myself in that place, being in the crossing zone and given the choice. My heart was falling apart even thinking about not being there with Scarlet and Rosie as they grow up. I was over come with terror at not being able to kiss Scarlet whenever I wanted, or squeeze Rosie's little feet. That pain, of being apart from my family, seems more severe than any kind of physical pain. That moment taught me a lot of things I can't really put into words...but I know Stephanie made the right choice. I would have made the same choice a million times over. I am grateful for motherhood. I am grateful for those moments when I am filled with gratitude for the privileged and pleasure it is to take part in my family.